Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
