ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
