Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
