all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
