There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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