he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
