In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you inspire me to be a worse person
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
