im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
