You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
