You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
