listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
