You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
