does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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