mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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