I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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