I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Your cock deserves a montage
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
