I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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