I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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