Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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