it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she pinky promised me she was 18
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
