yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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