Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
