I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
