Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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