i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize