I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?