Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
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I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
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He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.