I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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