if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.