I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know