Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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