some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
