Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
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I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
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I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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