Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
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I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
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Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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