I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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