Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
