i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
