that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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