I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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