Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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