God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
