Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
