I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
