I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
