Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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