I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
