I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize