So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
