i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize