The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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