I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
