I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
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also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.