Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling