Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
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she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
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I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.