I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
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Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
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I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID