she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single