I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here