we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
