Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
