Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
