I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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