so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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