i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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