Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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