Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
there is glitter all over my balls
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