she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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