Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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