96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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