i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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