You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Randomize
