I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
