24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Your topless pictures make me question reality
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
