we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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