Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
