pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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