If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
