I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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