what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
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Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
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Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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