Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
