Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just want to make out with him forever
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
