whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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