This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
